a drifting thought

Oddly, my brain is strangely thought free. After years of obsessively thinking about leaving London and how that would feel, now that part of my brain feels strangely fudgey. It would have been normal for me to instead have focussed that anxious energy into something else, say planning that next year of travel, but I have not felt the need at all. I’m not sure this is because I have found inner peace, but more that between working my full time London job, surfing and a lot more socialising than I am used to I am flat out exhausted outside of these activities. Factor in the heat and ongoing fuel crisis in Sri Lanka which means the day must be planned around power outages, who has a generator, do they have diesel for it and where can I speak to my boss’s boss from… and I’m barely remembering to do my laundry.

Perhaps also, being in Sri Lanka during its worst ever economic crisis ensures I keep perspective and stops my brain from those obsessive loops of what shall I do and how do I feel. I’m writing this whilst watching the birds hop around the natural pool at a truly beautiful yoga shala, having been breezed through various police check-points on my way here as a foreigner who can glance over the fact there is currently a 36 hours curfew in place for the whole country. I nearly didn’t come today, as it felt so wrong that I should get to move around and continue my day as normal whereas Sri Lankans are under different restrictions. However, if driving me means the tuktuk driver still makes some money today then I don’t really achieve much by staying put, and the locals encouraged me to continue with my plan.  

I had an ostensibly stressful afternoon yesterday. My ear became extremely sore and I decided to go to the doctor at exactly the same time as the curfew was announced to be starting out of the blue within the hour. I managed to see a doctor, get antibiotics for an ear infection (once again surfing is slowly resulting in my body breaking down!), and even stock up on snacks within this time. What struck me was that I did not feel stressed at all during this; even as the tuk tuk wove through 100s of others also heading for the shops and I then waited in the small local hospital whilst it seemed increasingly unlikely I was going to be able to be seen in time and a frenetic energy built in the streets, there was no corresponding pang of stress in my stomach that I am so used to from home life. It’s no doubt a great privilege that my ear infection seemed a pretty small fish compared to the much more serious stresses unfolding around me, enabling me to stay calm as I googled ‘Sri Lanka curfew rules’.  

I have 5 more work days left and maybe after that point the facts of everything changing and so much travel ahead will really start to hit home. This time here has felt a bit like a holding zone in a way, and has a very mellow quality to it. Yes being here alone is something brand new for me, but my job provides familiarity and structure, and it’s my 5th visit to this beautiful country, and this specific region. 

Next week I am heading to Jaffna, which will feel very different from the rest of Sri Lanka and will mean leaving the village I have based myself in and new friends behind. I imagine that then things will start to feel very different, and whether my mind will begin to buzz more then shall remain to be seen.

It will be hard to leave this kitten for sure!